Broken Britain, by David Camoron

People of Britain, (please note that I did not say Great Britain, because it’s long since stopped being Great), I have to report to you that Britain is Broken.

The Police Service is broken. Broken by Winsor 1 and 2, broken by Theresa May, my right hand man, broken by our new Police and Crime Commissioners with their 200 performance targets. Broken by the changes to their pensions, pay scales, Compulsory Severance, they are broken.  They spend all their working lives trying to lock people up, well, we just had to break that mould, can’t be having folk locked up now can we? In fact, they are so broken that we’ve had to ask our partners, G4$, $erco and the like, to step in and rescue them and bring huge chunks of them into profit.  The Police have got the hump with me anyway, and all because I described them as ‘Relatively Honest’.  Don’t they realise that was in comparison with Ghaddafi’s Police, why are they even bothered?

The Armed Forces are broken. The combined strength of the Armed Forces is now at its lowest level since World War II when we fought that other despot, Mr Hitler.  We’re going to lose some more in the near future, but fear not, because I have a cunning plan.  We’ll increase the numbers of the Territorial Army and hopefully no-one will notice the difference.  If that doesn’t work we’ll get Captain Mainwaring and his men out of retirement to bolster the numbers and protect our shores and assets.

The Fire Brigade is broken. Fire Engines have been sold off, Fire Stations are being closed. Privatisation/Outsourcing/Partnership is creeping in, Firefighters are going to have to work longer for less pension, so all is well and going to plan.

The National Health Service is broken. Waiting lists are on the rise again, we’re haemorrhaging  doctors and nurses, they don’t want to stay any more. Hospital budgets are buggered, waiting times in A&E are completely unacceptable. The Health Service is safe in our hands, but Broken.

Because the Hospitals are broken, that has broken the Ambulance Service, who can no longer deliver their patients to hospital in a timely manner and get back out there.  Instead they spend hours parked up on the A&E Ambulance ramp just waiting, before they can get back into service once again.  The upside of this though, is that they can claim compensation from the hospital for keeping them waiting, thus screwing the hospital’s budget just a little bit more.

The Coastguards are broken.  We’ve closed down nearly half the Coastguard Stations around the British coast, with nice new shiny Central Control Centres set up miles from the sea.  Coastguard numbers are down too, so we’re well on target to have smashed them anytime soon.  The Search and Rescue Service has been sold off to a foreign company, so no matter how efficient they are at finding folk, they’re working for profit and those profits will go abroad. That’s good right? I’d quite like to outsource the RNLI as well, but as that’s a charity it might take a bit more thinking about.

The Prison Service is broken.  We are now beginning to see prisons run by our partners G4$ and $erco etc. It will soon be a shadow of its former self, but at least it will be privately run.

The Probation Service is broken.  Once again our illustrious partners G4$ and $erco came riding to the rescue and took on parts of the Probation Service remit, and even though they’re facing ongoing fraud enquiries because they seemingly charged for services they did not provide, that’s OK, that nice Chris Grayling has said that it’s OK for them to bid for new contracts

Social Services are so broken that G4$ have had to take over the running of some Children’s Homes, and apply for Planning Permission etc under the name of a private individual.

The Legal System is broken.  We were going to award contracts to the lowest bidder, but Chris Grayling has U Turned on that.  We will however carry out the following

  • Legal aid fees will be cut by 17.5% across the board
  • Residency tests to be introduced for civil legal aid – only those who have lived in the UK for more than 12 months will be eligible
  • Cap on contracts for duty solicitor work at police stations
  • Income restrictions will be put in place – those with more than £3,000 per month after mortgage, tax and other “essential outgoings” will not be entitled to aid
  • 11,000 cases brought by prisoners will no longer be eligible
  • And on top of that you will no longer be eligible for Legal Aid to challenge any Government decision.  That’s fair, right?

The Penal System is broken along with Human Rights.  Too many people, mainly victims or people who might become victims,, bang on about the Human Rights of victims.  Don’t they know that criminals have Human Rights too?  We need LESS prisons, not more, and stop violating criminals’ rights by banging them up.  If I had my way I’d withdraw from the ECHR completely, nothing but aggravation.

Finally, our greatest success to date, and one of which I, personally, am immensely proud, the people of Britain are broken.  Their will has been drained and smashed.  They don’t know where to get help and advice any more and they certainly don’t have the means to challenge our wonderful reforms. they are smashed.

So, as you can see, Britain is comprehensively broken, and I broke it.  When I joined the scumbag party I made it my mission to become the most loathed British Prime Minister in modern times, and I think I have succeeded don’t you?  Even Maggie didn’t break anywhere near as much as I have succeeded in doing, but we couldn’t have achieved any of this without the help and support from our chums at PX, they really are the best Think Tankers ever.

Please remember this when you go to the polls in May 2015, but if for any reason, there happens to be a miserable turnout, that will still give us a mandate for further breaking, because we said so.

We’re All In This Together

Two pieces of news have grabbed my attention this morning and they both seem to involve our revered government.

Firstly the news that David Cameron has apparently ‘forgiven’ (insert “felt sorry for” if you prefer) Andrew Mitchell and offered him a job as a European Commissioner. Mr Cameron and wife Samantha had lunch at the PM’s official country residence in Buckinghamshire with Mr Mitchell and his GP wife  Sharon.  Afterwards, Mr Cameron took Mr Mitchell to The Plough pub in Princes Risborough and Mr Cameron told Mr Mitchell he was considering putting  him forward as an EU Commissioner when Baroness Ashton, appointed by Gordon Brown, finishes her term as EU Foreign Affairs envoy next year.

It is understood Mr Mitchell told Mr Cameron he would ‘seriously consider’ the suggestion.

Well that’s all nice and cosy then, everyone’s happy, all’s well that ends well.  Except that this role as European Commissioner (job for the boys?) attracts a salary of approx £250,000 compared to the salary for the Chief Whip, which he obviously had to give up when he resigned, of £145,492, a figure which does include his basic MPs salary (£65,738) which he obviously hasn’t given up.

So with a potential rise in the region of £100,000 per annum these austere times are probably not going to hurt him too much at all.  On top of this would be a pension.  I am currently unable to identify today’s pension arrangements for European Commissioners, but I did find this relating to 2009;

“European commissioners leaving office later this year will receive more than £1 million (€1.1 million) each in pension payments and so-called ‘transitional’ and ‘resettlement’ allowances,”

That’s me sorted then, off out with me bike to go and swear at a copper and maybe (or maybe not) call him a pleb.  That’ll sort my retirement for me.

Secondly was that Mr Iain Duncan Smith, Minister for Work and Pensions.

I must apologise I have temporarily forgotten who brought it my attention, but it seems like DWP have already got their rejection letters ready for anyone daring to claim Personal Independence Payments.

“Dear Mr Jones

Thank you for your claim for Personal Independence Payment.
I’ve considered all the information about your conditions and how they affect you as identified in:

  • the “How your disability affects you” form
  •  the information provided by the health professional consultation report
  • the information provided by Jobcentre Plus

I’ve decided you’re not entitled to Personal Independence Payment from XX Month YYYY I realise you have a disability or health condition and receiving this decision isn’t the news you were hoping for.

Unfortunately you don’t meet the criteria for Personal Independence Payment. I’ll explain in more detail how I reached this decision on the next page.”

Until they decide to delete it you can read the full letter on the (here) website, and see for yourself how cynical it seems.

On a lighter note, you will see that this Specimen Letter is addressed to David Smith and Mr Jones at the same time, a clear example of the efficiency of whoever drafted the letter.

Finally, one piece of Super Sunday news which does not involve the government (directly) is the news reported (again in the Mail unfortunately) that One in four of the UK’s top companies pay no tax while we give THEM millions in credits in which it is alleged that large, multinational companies including our old friends G4S are paying no Corporation Tax.

The companies who got a credit from the taxman were Experian, RSA Insurance Group, security group G4S, telecoms firm Vodafone, aerospace and defence group Rolls-Royce and engineering company IMI.

If this is true I find it absolutely astounding that any company the size of these are not paying Corporation Tax and to an economical simpleton like me, why are these companies getting government contracts if they are not paying Corporation Tax?

I don’t know the answer, it’s way to complex for me to fathom out, but it will certainly keep me awake at night thinking about it.  Is it right?  You decide.  Rant over

Ooh I’m Sure Angry Now

Good morning world, I’m sure not angry with any of you good folk.  Unsurprisingly it is HMG that made my bile rise this damp, soggy morning.

The world that we call Twatter made me aware of this headline this morning

 “A green light to tax evasion”: Super-rich tax dodgers given immunity from prosecution

The taxman has been probing 6,000 super-wealthy cheats – but just one of them has been convicted of fraud.

Tax dodgers caught stashing cash in Swiss bank accounts will not be jailed after a deal was struck with the revenue.  The swindlers were on a list of people with secret HSBC bank accounts in Switzerland handed over by IMF chief Christine Lagarde more than two years ago when she was France’s finance minister.  Greek journalist Kostas Vaxevanis was jailed for publishing the names of 2,000 tax-dodging industrialists, financiers and politicians which were given to the Athens government.

Super George Osborne is quoted as saying in August  “We will be as tough on the richest who evade tax as we are on those who cheat on benefits.”

In 2010/11 8210 people were convicted of Benefit Fraud, of which 365 were sent to the House of Correction (4.5%).  This is despite Her Majesty’s Government declaring a Crackdown on Benefit Fraud.  To be fair however, it is totally correct that sentencing should be in the remit of the Courts and if they deem prison is not the appropriate sentence that is up to them.  Where it all starts to go wrong is with George ‘The Submarine’ Osborne’s quote above.

Where have 4.5% of the super-rich tax evaders been sent to prison?  Only one out of 6,000 has even been prosecuted, so that doesn’t really seem to fit in.

Labour MP John Mann said yesterday the deal gave a “green light to tax evasion”.

He added: “If it was benefit cheats they would be locked up. The same should happen to rich tax dodgers.

“Everyone else is expected to pay their dues. These wealthy people are allowed to get away with it.

“HM Revenue and Customs should release their names. We are entitled to know who is not paying their dues.

“It is one law for the rich and another for everyone else.”  Can’t say I can argue with any of that.

A spokesman for HM Revenue and Customs claimed its investigation was “a major success”.  No it’s not, it will be a major success when those responsible are sent to prison AND made to pay back their back taxes plus interest and hit with heavy fines.

The bar for criminal prosecution is high but one person has been convicted and “further criminal investigations are in the pipeline”, the spokesman said.

“We expect to recover hundreds of millions of unpaid taxes and anyone who has not come forward should do so now.

“If they don’t, HMRC are clear that they will be relentlessly pursued.”

The millionaire tax cheat

MILLIONAIRE property developer Michael Shanly is so far the only person with a “secret” Swiss HSBC bank account to be convicted of tax evasion.

He was ordered to pay £469,444 in fines and costs at Woodford Green court, North London, in July for failing to pay £430,000 in tax.

He had already ­voluntarily paid £387,103 to HMRC, bringing the total to £856,547.

Yet it hardly made a dent in his personal fortune. Shanly, 67, who lives in Berkshire, is believed to be worth £160million.

He was ranked 528th on last year’s Sunday Times rich list.

The single mum benefits cheat

Single mum Carol Irving was sent to jail for six months in June for benefit fraud after failing to tell the authorities she had a partner living with her.

She admitted two charges of failing to disclose a change in circumstances that would affect her benefits.

Irving was overpaid by £44,527 after she didn’t to tell officials her partner Neil Hall had been living with her family on and off over five years.

So, the bottom line is £44k of Benefit Cheating (clearly wrong, I’m not defending it) gets 6 months prison, whereas avoiding £430k in tax gets a fine and made to pay the tax back.

And I’ve to see any evidence of the remaining 5,999 being vigorously pursued by HMRC and appearing in a courtroom near you.

The Greek journalist was very swiftly despatched to jail with no chance of passing Go or collecting £200.  George Osborne spouts on about hunting these people down, but where is the evidence to support that?  The impression I am being left with is that there is no will to pursue tax cheats etc etc, after all most of them them have probably gone through the same educational establishments as HMG.  Show us all that you’ve grown a pair and hunt these people down with the same enthusiasm that you would a member of an organised crime gang.  Poor old Christopher Tapping got extradited to the US by Teflon Theresa for just selling a few batteries.

That’s why I’m angry today.

What Every Member of the Public Needs to Know

Well, in a nutshell, what you all need to know is that this great country of ours is under attack, and it is under attack from the enemy within – the ConDem coalition.  They seem intent on destroying everything that is good (in my opinion) about this country, and once it’s gone, it won’t be easy to get it back.  I make no secret of the fact that I have been a life-long Tory voter, but NEVER again.  I believe that if you don’t for somebody then you have no right to complain when it all goes wrong, so I will be voting for somebody in future, but never again for this shower of s**te.  I would rather vote UKIP of Monster Raving Loony Party.

Much has been said on my blog, and those of my fellow bloggers, about the ConDems reforms of the Police Service, so I won’t take up too much of your time repeating it all again except to remind you all that by 2015 the Police Services of England and Wales will collectively have their budgets cut by 20% and 16,000 police officers lost from our streets.  That in itself is a big enough undertaking with some very serious implications.  Make no mistake,  even the Met, the largest Police Serice in the country, is going to struggle to meet its targets post Olympics, and we haven’t even heard the last part of their austerity plans yet.   If you want to see how your local force is shaping up to the cuts go to the HMIC website and choose “Find Your Force” then look at the austerity report for your area.

But the Condems haven’t stopped there, oh no.

Then we have the creeping privatisation of the NHS.  Our government has abolished its obligation to provide us free healthcare.  Our government has privatised the NHS without us knowing,  Our government has been paid by healthcare firms, they have worked alongside them, they have worked with them, they have worked FOR them. They even employ former employees of these private healthcare firms. None of that can be contested, they’ve declared their corporate interests before.  Our Lords are benefiting to the tune of millions, if not billions, by privatisation of the NHS, but no-one seems to notice. When 6,000 nurses got the sack, and Lord Ashcroft’s business replaced them with temps (earning him untold fortunes), no-one seemed to notice.  Interestingly, like the Police reforms, the BBC chooses not to report these things.  New hospitals are PFI funded.  I went to visit my sister in a brand new hospital recently (Kings Mill, like the bread) and the first thing I noticed in the entrance were the 2 Car Park Pay Stations, no way are we going to get away without paying for the car parks.  Then as I ventured further in I encountered Costa, WHS Smith, a jewellery shop (a jewellery shop in a hospital FFS?) and a hairdressing salon.  Where were the League of Friends I ask?  I read recently that Interserve has taken over the Royal Marsden NHS Trust (amongst others) arguably the finest Cancer Research and treatment facility in the UK and right up there in the whole world.  The Financial Times also reports this from behind its paywall

Three NHS Trusts have pooled together to outsource all their hospital, community and primary care facilities management to one provider, Interserve, in one of the largest deals of its kind.  Around 2,000 staff will transfer to Interserve, the FTSE250-listed outsourcer, under the agreement, which is worth £300m to the company over seven years.”

Does this sound familiar?  Does this give you cause for concern?

And don’t think that the Ambulance Service has escaped either.  As I reported in a previous blog, earlier this month the Public Accounts Committee published its report entitled Transforming NHS ambulance services.   As soon as the government understand how the Ambulance Service works, it has made it clear that it intends to reform it.

The Fire Service.  Heard much about that recently? Last year central government cut 1,500 front-line fire service jobs.  So far this year a further 1,000 have gone.  Fire Brigade pensions are going the same way as the police, pay more, work longer, get less.  Countless fire engines have been mothballed and fire stations closed, and government are making plans to privatise parts of the Fire Service. Sound familiar?  See the FBU website for more detailed information about what is happening in your area.

The British Army.  Did you know that there are now approximately 35,000 more Police officers in this country than there are full time soldiers?  In mid 2012 the full-time strength of the Regular British Army stood at a mere 99,670.   I do hope I don’t get thrown in the Tower for revealing this statistic, but it shocked me to the core to see that the Police Service, even after its shrinkage, was much bigger than our Army, and it will only get worse with the next Defence Spending Review.  If only Adolf had waited, he could have taken us easily.

And finally, I am indebted to fellow blogger Tom Pride for bringing the plight of our Coastguard service to my attention.  We have long read on twitter how the Coastguard service is under attack also, how Coastguard stations are threatened with closure, pleas to sign their petitions also.  Well, it’s actually worse then that.  Tom has blogged again today and provided absolute proof of the lies spouted by David Camoron.  He produces a letter signed by said Camoron, and dated 12th July 2012 in which he categorically states that no Coastguard stations will close before 2015.  Well, it’s now the end of  September and closures have already begun.  Not worth the paper it was written on.   You can find Tom’s blog here and read the full story, be sure to read the Comments as well, quite illuminating

Each of these issues is major in its own way, each of these issues impacts in some way on our safety and/or well-being.  What scares me most is that they are all happening AT THE SAME TIME.  The Government are determined that by 2015 the shape of this country will never again be the same.  I assume that neither the Tories nor the Lib Dems will be re-elected but who knows?  Whoever forms the next government will undoubtedly be unable to reverse these decisions, and that is why we need to do something about it now.

The only action plan that I can think of is that old rivalries are put aside, the Federation and the Unions work TOGETHER (I know, it will never catch on will it?) and fight these reforms with a united front. Together we stand and all that.  Divide and Conquer.  We’re all facing the same problems and we have a common enemy.  I don’t pretend that I know how it can be achieved, but I do believe that individual fights are doomed to failure.  The ConDems have proved that they are too arrogant to consider anything other than their own proposals.  Some of the Lords and MPs stand to make quite nice tidy sums thank you out of privatisation.  But can we afford to let it happen without that last fight.  Dunkirk spirit and all that.

If this is the last that you hear from me, you will know that I have been thrown in the Tower, or that the Blog Police have confiscated my quill.