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No Water Cannon For You Boris

Last updated on May 8th, 2023 at 11:42 am

Reading Time: 3 minutes

So now Boris knows what it’s like to be a Police Officer without having to go through the training. Buy yourself a couple of Water Cannon cheap on eBay or wherever and attract the hostile attention of a lady who clearly doesn’t want to risk getting her shoes splashed.

Last year, as you will remember, Boris splashed out £218,000 of Londerners’ hard earned cash on 3 second hand water cannon.

A little premature maybe as he did not have any kind of authorisation to use them, but knowing how Boris and his Special Aviser, Rabbi Glibs work, he may well have bought them anyway in an attempt to pressure Cruella into sanctioning their use.

Well, she didn’t. Yesterday she informed Parliament that she would NOT be licensing the use of water cannon on mainland Britain.

What is so different across the water in Northern Ireland I’m not sure.

May told MPs that her decision followed exhaustive medical and scientific tests that led her to conclude that the German cannon had the potential to cause serious injuries including spinal fractures, there were doubts over their usefulness in fast-moving riots and they were likely to damage the British tradition of policing by consent.

So if I have this right, rioters can chuck pretty much anything at Police Officers (and they have in the past) with the potential to cause serious harm to Police or Public, but we may not use water cannon because they might harm the rioters.

Firstly Mrs May, you and the clown formerly known as Tom Winsor, have reduced the numbers of Police Officers on our streets by 17,000+, and we seem highly likely to lose a further 17,000 in the next few years. You are decimating our stocks of Police Dogs and Police a Horses, both useful in Public a Order situations, so how exactly do you anticipate we will stop the rioting?  Get Hogan-Who to stand on a plinth, tell them they’re all being very naughty and will they all go home or they will get shouted at?

Water Cannon have the potential to cause serious injury?  Agreed, but so does an asp. You could kill someone with an asp. How does that work then, injure a rioter?  Oh no, but crack on and kick the crap out of our officers by all means.

Finally (for now) every single person stood in front of the business end of a water cannon is a volunteer.  When the nasty Policeman tells them to disperse and go home, maybe they should do just that.  Whatever happens after that is under their own control.  They have the ability to p*** off and go away any time like, if the choose not to heed the warnings why should I care?

This is just one more example of you, Home Secretary, displaying your absolute hatred of the Police. An emotion you have displayed in public previously.  If you don’t like the Police and don’t want anything to do with them, simply bog off and let someone else have a crack at being Home Sec, we won’t mind one bit, can’t get any worse after all.

I won’t trouble you, Mrs May, by asking to see a copy of your Risk Assessment for this decision, as if previous policies are anything to go by, you won’t have done one.

Disappointingly, in my personal opinion, the Met Federation had this to say;

 “We don’t want or need water cannon, especially the ones bought by MOPAC [Mayor’s Office for Policing and Crime]. 

“They’re old and in need of repair, can’t be used in a dynamic situation and they need to be attached to a mains water supply.  “There has been a training cost implication within the Met on top of the purchase and refit costs – such an unnecessary waste of money.

“In the current period of austerity, the police service needs to commit the reducing budgets available to it to support the provision of policing in terms of officer numbers.”


I am so glad I don’t have to put up with this crap.


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