Mrs Angry owns a German car.
Mrs Angry bought a German car because we stupidly believed that they were built to a high quality and were reliable.
Mrs Angry’s German car is neither of these things.
We didn’t buy this German car from new, it was ‘Previously Owned’ (Second Hand to you and me). It hadn’t done an excessive amount of mileage and was in good nick. It had a Service History and all those other nice things you like to see when you buy a Previously Owned German Car.
Last year it needed a new Cam Belt, no biggy, routine maintenance, no problem. Like all garages these days, the German Car Service Department seemed to be quite adept at breaking the water pump when they replaced the cambelt. It seems to be “de rigeur” these days.
When we went back to collect the car they had some more good news for us “While we had the car stripped down we noticed that one of your Power Steering pipes is corroded and needs changing.” Add another £450 to the bill. “Oh and by the way, you’ll need some brake discs and pads as well”
After its service the very nice German Car Service Department Man said “We’ve filled it up with long life oil, see you in 2 years”. 7 months later the oil light suddenly came on, on a cold, snowy evening in the middle of WAGshire. A quick rummage under the bonnet revealed that the oil was no longer making contact with the dipstick. One large bottle of engine oil later she was on her way again. The part of this element that strikes me as odd is that despite regular checking of the oil level it has not lowered since. Surely the German Car Service Department put enough in?
MOT due now, so we thought we’d put the car in for an interim service, just to be on the safe side.
“We had a major oil leak after last year’s service, could you check it out please Mr German Car Service Man?” 3 hours later came the phone call we’d been dreading. “We’ve found the cause of your oil problem, the rocker cover is leaking, and 2 pipes are split” Net result, loss of oil and another big bill.
Do you remember the days when if your rocker cover was leaking you popped down to Halfords, bought a cork gasket and replaced it? Nice German Cars now require that you change the whole rocker cover. Cost? £400 or thereabouts. “Why is this?” I asked the German Car Service Department Manager. “Why can you not pop down to Halfords and get a cork gasket for 50 pence”? “Cos it’s cheaper for the manufacturers to build them this way, with the seal and everything built into it” Tough shit for the owners though. “Don’t worry though, your car will be ready on Friday afternoon”
Friday morning came, second phone call from German Car Garage Service Department. “Your car won’t be ready today after all, it won’t be ready until Monday cos some muppet has sent the wrong part.”
“Can’t the muppet pay to send the right part Special Delivery so that it arrives here today then?” A reasonable request I thought, as it certainly wasn’t the fault of the family Angry. “It doesn’t work like that” said German Car Workshop Manager,”but I can borrow you a courtesy car”
At this point tempers went completely out the window, we don’t want the bloody courtesy car, we’ll manage with my French limousine, which is at least running with the engine in one piece.
Lesson learnt. Never buy a Nice German Car ever again. If anybody from the the Nice German Car Head Office is reading this and wants to discuss some form of recompense, then please do.
And who are they? Oh sod it, go on then, it’s a new shape VW Beetle. Nice car if you’ve got deep pockets.
Now to go and fill mine up with onions, garlic and red wine so that we can get to the airport at stupid o’clock tomorrow morning, to drop Angry Junior off.
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